Are you experiencing intense, unbearable pain and sorrow because you recently lost your loved one? That is perfectly okay, it is part of the process of grieving. Everyone faces death and experiences losing their loved ones, especially during this pandemic, the death cases have risen dramatically where almost everyone experienced grief.
What is grief?
It is a highly intense, acute pain, and overwhelming experience of sorrow, distress, and sadness that results from the loss of a loved one.Five Stages of Grief
Elisabeth Kubler-Ross proposed that we would go through 5 stages of grief after the loss of a loved one.Stage 1 - Denial
In the first stage, we find it hard to believe the sudden news about the death of a loved one hence is reluctant to face the truth. The world has fallen and became meaningless. At this point, our “usual” reality has shifted completely. We are shocked and tend to deny that our loved ones had gone forever. We often felt overwhelmed by the tragic news. However, the denial stage helps us to cope and understand what is happening. It is also a way to help us minimize the overwhelming emotional experiences and help us to process the “new” reality one step at a time.Stage 2 - Anger
While we are adjusting to the new reality, the unpleasant emotions would lead us to experience anger. You may be angry and start thinking about why such unpleasant or unbelievable incidents happened to you. It is an expression of pain from losing your loved ones. Instead of suppressing the anger within you, you express your anger at someone else. You may direct your anger to your loved one who has passed away or someone else such as the doctor, God, or even yourself. As time goes by, the anger becomes a bridge to the healing process, is a form of releasing the pain.Stage 3 - Bargaining
After the loss, we want our life to return to what it was before, where he or she is still alive. Bargaining is an indication of our guilt and regrets. We tend to bargain towards a higher power, such as God, to request a different outcome (eg. bringing back our loved ones from death; if I can go back I would never treat her that way, etc), hoping that the reality can be changed and to cope with the pain.Stage 4 - Depression
After bargaining, our conscious slowly comes into the present. There comes the time where we begin to calm down and slowly take in what is happening. We start to realize the truth that our loved ones have gone forever and they will never be with us physically whatsoever. The feeling of emptiness and depression starts to set in. The experience of losing a loved one is depression, hence it is perfectly normal and appropriate to be depressed. However, this depression is different from mental illness, it is a necessary response, one of the stages along the way, and it will fade over time.Stage 5 - Acceptance
Lastly, we will come to a state where we stop resisting and accept reality. It is the end of the pain of loss. No longer are we struggling to believe the reality, but we start to recognize and embrace the new reality. We will start to make new connections and reevaluate our roles, continuing our lives. Sometimes, we might think that we are betraying our loved ones by moving on in life without them, but we can never change the reality. Instead of thinking that way, it is a necessary process for us to go through and be accepted with the new reality.How can we help people who are experiencing grief?
People might be less likely to open up about their experiences when they are grieving. However, we can try to understand and simply be there for them, letting them know there is someone to count on. We can also make ourselves available to lend an ear to them whenever they are ready to open up.During the conversation, we tend to worry about what is the right thing to say and what we should avoid saying. However, instead of thinking or worrying about what you should say, it is more important to just listen. Apply active listening, give them your undivided attention and empathy. By simply being there and listen compassionately to their story can be comforting and healing.
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In brief, death is part of a human’s life cycle. Some believe that when we lose someone that we sincerely loved and cherished, the more pain and grief we feel. Despite knowing the fact that human lives would eventually come to an end, we could not help ourselves to not feel sad and experience grief. Whenever we thought of them, we would experience mixed feelings and that is perfectly okay. On another shed of light, we can also try to recall the beautiful memories we have with the past ones. Although they are no longer by your side, the memories you have with them will always be in your heart💜💛💚. As saying goes by: “The pain passes, but the beauty remains.”
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